Adventures in Pet-Sitting #1: The Indoor Dog Grass Stand-Off

Considering the shenanigans that Sonya the Shiba Inu and I get up to, I figured that I needed to start chronicling our days together.  This is going to a loose series, featuring dialogue scripts, poems, doodles, and whatever else seems (vaguely) appropriate.

-It Begins-

Sarah: *brings in package*

Sonya: What is it?!  What is it?!

Sarah: It’s for you.  *opens box*

Sonya: …

Sonya:  It’s grass.  Why did you bring grass inside?

Sarah:  *sprays grass with pheromone spray*

Sonya:  Ok, now it just smells like another dog just…

Sonya:  …oh, oh god, no.

Sarah:  You can pee here.

Sonya:  Nope.  No.  How DARE you suggest such a thing?

Sarah:  Look, it’s a backup option.  We’ll still take long walks, but if I’m not home and you need to go…

Sonya:  I’m mostly deaf, but I know you well enough to know that you’re trying to rationalize this atrocity right now.

Sarah: Just wait a while and think about it.

Sonya:  You are the alpha but I must challenge your authority.  Somehow, you’ve been mentally compromised.

Sarah:  This seems dramatic.

Sonya:  I will not pee until we go outside.

Sarah:  I can wait.  Let’s see if you change your mind in a little…

Sonya:  I will not pee ever again if necessary.

Sarah:  Ok, that’s a bit far.  This isn’t that big of a deal.

Sonya:  *sniffs*  Wait.  You have a treat in your pocket.

Sonya:  Give it to me.

Sarah:  Pee on the grass first.

Sonya:  NEVER

Sonya:  I shall have my treat and my dignity!

Sarah:  …

Sonya:  Let the Battle of Wills

Sarah:  Sonya, this isn’t a battle.  It’s an option for your comfort.

Sonya:  COMMENCE!!!

Sarah:  *sigh*

-Several Hours Later- 

Sarah:  You definitely have to pee now.  Just try the grass pad.

Sonya:  *blatantly ignores*

Sarah:  *grabs leash* This isn’t worth you making yourself sick to prove a point.  I’m not having you die from a ruptured bladder on my watch.

Sarah:  Plus, you’re here for a whole week more…

Sonya:  I WIN.  I SHALL PEE OUTSIDE.

Sarah:  This wasn’t a…whatever.  It’s late, I’m tired, and you clearly have self-destructive tendencies.

-After The Walk-

Sonya:  VICTORY IS MINE.  As is the treat.

Sarah:  Um, no.

Sonya:  WHAT?!?!

Sarah:  You clearly, obviously avoided doing the thing I requested.

Sonya:  I PEED.

Sarah: …outside.  Not on the indoor grass.

Sonya:  *glares intensely*

Sarah:  Glare all you want.  *takes treat from pocket and puts it away*

Sonya:  *puppy eyes*  But I love you…and Pupperoni.

Sarah:  No.  It’s late.  I’m going to bed.

Sonya:  FINE.  I HATE YOU.  I’LL SLEEP IN ANOTHER ROOM TONIGHT AND YOU’LL BE LONELY AND SORRY AND….*huffs away*

-Next morning-

Sarah:  *blinks awake*

Sonya:  Hi.  I missed you.